Original air date: Sep 22, 1982.
The series starts with a minute-long cold open with the whole Keaton clan. Elise and Steven are showing Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer slides from their good ol' protest days. I'm unsure what they were going for here. A suppose a quick introduction of the different character archetypes? But it's dull and underwhelming, and we barely get to see any of the slides, although that could be a blessing...
Yikes. Jennifer mistakes Steven for Elise, and Mallory and Alex are mortified and baffled, respectively. Elise and Steven are so proud they want to put on the “Peace Corp” slides next. But the writers save us this horror, and proceed to the main credits, which is where the episode should have started…
Tina Yothers portrays the youngest sibling (for now), Jennifer Keaton. The changes Bateman’s character faced as the series progressed were nothing compared to the changes Yothers’ character (and Yothers herself) went through. A lot of hate has been leveled at Jennifer, and honestly some of it is earned, but we’ll get into that later. Yothers was nine when the show began, the same age as her character.
It's morning. Steven comes down, and we learn Elise is a stay-at-home architect (SAHA) who's been up early drawing blueprints for a house for two people who apparently hate each other. Steven even points out that there's no door, and Elise tells him its so the occupants don't murder each other. I'm not sure keeping the loathing couple locked up in an exitless tomb would help more than marriage counseling would, but who am I to judge?
Enter Mallory, who is understandably grossed out. This will become a common bit, with Elise and Steven ready to jump each other's bones outside the privacy of their bedroom and their kids walking in on them. Anyway, Steven tells Mallory to STFU because he has no issues with getting it on in common spaces.
Steven starts to go on about the greatness of "pawing" (ick), and Mallory's all like yeah I know what that hippie code word means and that she's done her own type of pawing with Richie DeFazio, which Steven is less than thrilled about. She then interrogates Elise to make sure there's "nothing alive" in her bagged lunch.
Alex enters and asks how he looks, and Bateman is totally checking out Fox's ass. Supposedly, the actors never dated. Steven berates Alex for acting 20 years too mature for his age, and Alex says "screw off ya hippie."
Next, it's Jennifer's turn to make a grand entrance, asking all present what the capital of Iowa is, and everyone gives a different answer for some reason.
Steven then has a heart-to-heart with her, "confessing" that Iowa is the one state without a capital. And Jennifer gives him a look that says "screw off ya hippie."
None of this is terribly funny, but it moves quickly and gives us some base establishment for the characters, so it's fine.
Steven asks Alex who he's expecting a call from, and Mallory's all in up Alex's business, announcing it's Kimberly Blanton, a rich Barbie doll look-alike at school who Alex thinks wants to bone him. Alex asks what's her deal, and Mallory's all "I have no secrets from my father." Yeah? What about your pawing with Richie DeFazio?
Alex is all whatever and then tells Jennifer to hang up on her imaginary friend. Jennifer freaks the hell out and screams at him to eff off.
Alex is amused by this, and when he turns around, Jennifer makes a baffling face.
I'm not sure what she was going for here. Maybe Yothers was stifling a laugh.
Another creepy face, leading me to think Jennifer's stock trait in the pilot was "psychopathic." She then admits that Alex didn't hit her but that she could see in his eyes that he wanted to. Maybe he did. Maybe he wanted to smack the crazy out of her.
A third phone call. This time Mallory gets it first. Jesus, Alex, why didn't you just park yourself next to the phone? Mallory merrily broadcasts that it's Kimberly Blanton, even though she just declared Kimberly would never call him.
Alex wrestles the phone from Mallory and after a very short exchange, works up the nerve to are ask his folks if Kimberly, who is coming over to study tonight apparently, can also stay for dinner. Oh, the gall! But look at him; he's petrified. Maybe in the Family Ties world, this is the "first base" Mallory alluded to. Anyway, his folks of course say yes, and Alex slides out of the house and howls like he just went all the way. (Not yet, but we'll get there in a few episodes.)
Flash forward to the evening, and Alex is dressed up. He turns off Steven's hippie music (that we strangely don't hear) so he can set the mood with some salacious elevator music. Hey, this will come back around in Season 7 when it's revealed to be Alex's favorite music genre! As much as I'd like to believe the writers of the last season were paying this bit off, I doubt it.
I think Bateman does a great job with what little she has to work with in this episode, and the natural banter between Mallory and Alex that would continue throughout the series gets off to a solid start here. Bateman and Fox make the biggest impact in this rather mediocre pilot.
Doorbell! Alex freaks out and quickly poses his family before he opens the door, which is pretty funny.
And...it's Kimberly! Kimberly Blanton was played by Cindy Fisher, who looks to have had a lot of bit parts in multiple 80s TV shows but no acting credits since. Anyway, Alex apologizes to her for their butler being off that day.
It's dinnertime!
What follows is a mostly unfunny "awkward dinner scene." Elise asks Kimberly what she's studying in school, and she answers "Uh...ya know?" We get facial reactions from the family like who is this bimbo, and Alex tries to come to her defense. A much better version of this scene will occur in the aforementioned Season 4 dinner sequence with Nick, where Steven does the questioning about school and Nick's responses are actually funny.
Elise again asks what Kimberly is studying, and Mal snidely retorts with "Ya know?" Honestly, the Season 4 writers will take the template of this sequence and improve on it in every way. The studio audience seems to eat it up, though. There is a funny line where Kimberly earnestly says she wants to dedicate her life to helping others by being a cheerleader. But does she mean professionally? Cheering for the Browns seems below her upper crust station in society.
And she's exiting to our LEFT into the kitchen! I'm sorry I'm back to it again, but I need to save this for future evidence when I next discuss the impossible placement of the dining room.
It's the next scene (next day?) and Elise gets off the phone with the Emmersons, who are the feuding couple she's designing the house for. She tells Steven they have eight kids, which is funny I guess? Anyway, that's the end of that "plot," folks!
Alex bounds down the stairs asking his parents the rules for polo because Kimberly's picking him up in a few minutes to go to some championship polo "cup." Steven says polo sucks, so Alex goes back upstairs.
Elise decides to make a move. Alex is going to polo for the whole day, Mal is leaving too, and she wants to get it on. Steven notes that Jennifer's still in the house, but Elise is in heat so she tells him to give Jennifer the Mastercard and let her run wild. Yikes, these two.
They get all worked up with the talk of underage shopping sprees and start to "paw" at each other, which of course leads to Mallory interrupting. She is disgusted and asks if they have any self control, and the answer to that is no.
Steven acts like the Carlton Country Club is a front for the KKK, and tells Alex it's a "restricted club." Alex doesn't get it, so Elise has to explain it. But honestly, neither of them does a good job. Elise says the club doesn't have any minority members, but she doesn't say whether minorities are prevented from joining. Whatever. It's some snooty place, and that's all Alex cares about. Kimberly's family honks for him, and he's out the front door.
I guess the all-day sex romp did not go as planned because next we see Steven making dirty phone calls in the dark. Nah, he's just calling the CCC to check on Alex. Elise walks in on him, and Steven hangs up and plays it off like he was calling a Swedish car repair shop. He soon comes clean and says he was calling the CCC because he wants Alex to come home immediately.
Elise doesn't like Alex there either but tells Steven that Alex sees things differently than they do, which is the understatement of the decade. Steven tells her to eff off and that he's going into enemy territory to reclaim his son.
So now we're at the racist romp and see that racists dance like they're in middle school.
Kimberly's father quizzes Alex on sailing because Alex has been feigning an interest in sailing to get into his daughter's pants. Alex fumbles a bit, but he gets out of the scrutiny when Steven makes a sudden appearance.
It's unknown how many security guards Steven had to bob and weave through to make it into this restricted club, but he looks alright. Kimberly's mother forgets about the restrictions and invites Steven to join them. (Watch out lady- he's a hippie! We've got the photographic proof.) Steven declines, but Kimberly's father also forgets the restrictions and cheerfully asks the waiter to bring Steven a chair.
But Steven is MAD. Or so he claims when he pulls Alex aside and demands that he come home with him. There's a funny bit where he's berating the club while unconsciously taking their drinks and appetizers. He tells Alex the CCC is elitist, exclusionary, and makes tasty rumaki.
He's interrupted when the racists excitedly decide to do the "bunny hop," and Alex hops right onto Kimberly. It's less risqué than what Steven and Elise have been doing this episode.
Steven returns all humbled and claims to Elise that he made a big mistake. His daughters join him. And then Alex comes downstairs. I guess Steven was successful in hopping Alex off the bunny after all. The family sans Steven and Alex excuse themselves.
Whatever the reason, now it's Alex who's MAD. He says he's humiliated. Then we get to the moral of the episode, and if this was Full House, this is where the sentimental muzak would start. There's a line that parents need to learn not to cross, it's harder to see where that line is as kids get older, and yada yada yada.
Alex is all Kimberly was in a strapless evening gown, so I don't care about the Bill of Rights, which is a nonsensical retort. Also, bullshit. We saw Kimberly's evening gown, and it had straps. Maybe these scenes were filmed out of order.
So, not a commune, because I don't think the federal government was in the business of renting out national park space to a cooperative of bohemians in the 1970s.
Family Ties is known for its unique theme song ballad, but Season 1’s version is slightly different. Google tells me the original version, which was used only for the first 10 episodes, was sung by Dennis Tufano & Mindy Sterling and was titled “Us.” And wow, does it drag. The more familiar version by Johnny Mathis & Deniece Williams followed, titled “Without Us,” and stayed for the rest of the series. Honestly, I was never the biggest fan of either version, but I definitely prefer the more upbeat Mathis and Williams duet.
The original version plays under slides of the family, predominantly of Elise and Steven, from their 60s rebellious years, and they look pretty damn old for supposedly being in their early 20s.
Later in the series, they will have younger actors play Elise and Steven in flashback segments. But now they’re just setting up the show. It’s clear from the opening slides in Season 1 that the showrunners had planned the series to be a vehicle for Meredith Baxter (and possibly Michael Gross), but that would change in short order. For now, though, we’re subjected to a lot of not-so-interesting photos of “college” Elise and Steven. A lot. Since this is the first episode, I’ll address this “montage.”
The passing of slides seems to give the impression of time passing…but JESUS they’re wearing the same clothes! I know it’s the 60s and they’re hippies with a limited wardrobe, but obviously these photos are all from the same day. I guess they didn’t bother to take a few snapshots of all the other protests and rallies they’ll later boast about having attended. So we get a bunch of unexciting shots of these two hanging around and staring at each other over the course of an afternoon.
Hey, the producers sprung for some cheap wedding attire! And the editors get fancy and do some stop-motion photography showing them kissing at “the altar.”
Then we watch their lives progress…
Now they’re backpacking and looking a lot less hippie-like!
We see what appear to be young “Alex” and young “Mallory.” Wait a second…is Steven wearing the same shirt from his college hippie years?
Then we get whoever the hell this flaxen-haired kid is. Later, Steve and Elise will talk about raising Alex on a commune, but this just looks like a weekend camping trip. Did this kid just stroll into their campsite, or did Elise lure him in with her Pied Piper ballad? He doesn’t too look happy to be there. Even from behind, “Alex” appears pretty miserable. “Mallory” is the only one not sulking. Is this is one of Elise’s claimed folk music spectaculars or a “proof of life” photo? Don’t worry, Blondie, your parents will find you soon!**
OK, you get the picture(s). Let’s move on to the individual cast shots.
Meredith Baxter Birney, or Meredith Baxter as she is more commonly known, plays matriarch Elise Keaton. I have some perhaps controversial feelings about Baxter’s performance, and I’ll have more to say about her and all the actors as this blog continues. It’s interesting to note that Baxter had been a regular in a prior TV series titled Family, which ran 1976-1980. I never saw it.
Michael Gross plays patriarch Steven Keaton, and I will have a lot of praise to lavish about his understated and underrated performance as the series progresses. For now, I’ll just mention a fun bit of trivia that he and Baxter share the exact same birthday: June 17, 1947, which means they were both 35 at the start of the series.
Michael J. Fox, of course, portrays the ambitious, conservative, and delightfully egocentric son Alex P. Keaton. I like how the actor’s middle initial and the character’s middle initial both stand for nothing. Apparently, Fox also was in a single episode of Baxter’s show Family. While Family Ties would be his big break, he soon would be juggling multiple projects at once, although you’d never know it from his consistently solid performance. Fox was 21 when the series began, putting him just 14 years younger than Baxter and Gross. According to the pilot, his character is 17.
Justine Bateman (Jason Bateman’s sister) plays middle child Mallory Keaton. Her character went through some big changes and developments (positive and negative, but mostly positive) as the show went on. I think she handled what she was given, curve balls included, very well. Bateman was 16 when the series began, which put her close to her character’s starting age of 15.
The opening credits end, at least in Season 1, with a nice collage of the Keatons on their sofa as the title card is superimposed. IMDB claims all five main actors were in every episode of the series, but that’s bullshit. Before I even do my rewatch for this blog, I know Baxter was absent for several as she went through a real-life pregnancy that corresponded with her character’s pregnancy, and I can recall at least one where Gross was missing. I’m pretty sure Fox was in them all, and the same may be true for Bateman and Yothers. But we’ll see as we stumble along.
For now, it’s time for the “plot” of the pilot.
It's morning. Steven comes down, and we learn Elise is a stay-at-home architect (SAHA) who's been up early drawing blueprints for a house for two people who apparently hate each other. Steven even points out that there's no door, and Elise tells him its so the occupants don't murder each other. I'm not sure keeping the loathing couple locked up in an exitless tomb would help more than marriage counseling would, but who am I to judge?
They banter a bit about how they didn't feel the kids were happy with their slideshow the other night. Ya think? They reminisce about how "young" they looked *cough* bullshit *cough* although Steven admits that Elise still looks the same, probably because the slides were shot the week before.
He makes minor flattering comments about her looks, which is enough to get her in the mood, so she jumps in his lap at the breakfast table.
Enter Mallory, who is understandably grossed out. This will become a common bit, with Elise and Steven ready to jump each other's bones outside the privacy of their bedroom and their kids walking in on them. Anyway, Steven tells Mallory to STFU because he has no issues with getting it on in common spaces.
Steven starts to go on about the greatness of "pawing" (ick), and Mallory's all like yeah I know what that hippie code word means and that she's done her own type of pawing with Richie DeFazio, which Steven is less than thrilled about. She then interrogates Elise to make sure there's "nothing alive" in her bagged lunch.
Next, it's Jennifer's turn to make a grand entrance, asking all present what the capital of Iowa is, and everyone gives a different answer for some reason.
None of this is terribly funny, but it moves quickly and gives us some base establishment for the characters, so it's fine.
The phone rings; Alex quickly gets it. It's for Jennifer, and we learn that it's Chrissy calling! This is a big deal because it's the first mention of Chrissy, who Jennifer will go on to consistently reference as her best friend throughout the first several seasons, despite that we never see or hear her. In fact, I could have been persuaded that she isn't real but for the fact that Chrissy DOES ultimately make a rather unremarkable onscreen appearance late in Season 5 in a bizarre out-of-order episode. But regardless, Chrissy made the pilot! That's impressive.
Another phone call, which Alex scrambles to get. And...it's Chrissy again! Jennifer says Chrissy's having a personal crisis, perhaps it's an existential crisis about whether she exists.
Mallory chides Alex some more about how Kimberly won't call because she doesn't give a shit about him and announces that Alex hasn't even gotten to first base with her. This for some reason really excites Steven, which Elise takes note of.
Alex is all whatever and then tells Jennifer to hang up on her imaginary friend. Jennifer freaks the hell out and screams at him to eff off.
Alex is amused by this, and when he turns around, Jennifer makes a baffling face.
I'm not sure what she was going for here. Maybe Yothers was stifling a laugh.
Anyway, Alex demands the phone remain untouched, so Jennifer hangs up and gleefully lies to Elise that Alex "hit" her.
Another creepy face, leading me to think Jennifer's stock trait in the pilot was "psychopathic." She then admits that Alex didn't hit her but that she could see in his eyes that he wanted to. Maybe he did. Maybe he wanted to smack the crazy out of her.
A third phone call. This time Mallory gets it first. Jesus, Alex, why didn't you just park yourself next to the phone? Mallory merrily broadcasts that it's Kimberly Blanton, even though she just declared Kimberly would never call him.
Alex wrestles the phone from Mallory and after a very short exchange, works up the nerve to are ask his folks if Kimberly, who is coming over to study tonight apparently, can also stay for dinner. Oh, the gall! But look at him; he's petrified. Maybe in the Family Ties world, this is the "first base" Mallory alluded to. Anyway, his folks of course say yes, and Alex slides out of the house and howls like he just went all the way. (Not yet, but we'll get there in a few episodes.)
Flash forward to the evening, and Alex is dressed up. He turns off Steven's hippie music (that we strangely don't hear) so he can set the mood with some salacious elevator music. Hey, this will come back around in Season 7 when it's revealed to be Alex's favorite music genre! As much as I'd like to believe the writers of the last season were paying this bit off, I doubt it.
Anyway, Alex is all nervous, and his parents are doing their own things and don't give a shit. Mallory bounds down the stairs and is all "Tonight's the night, isn't it?" to Alex. What the hell? Of course it is. It's the same day. Did Mal get amnesia? She again slithers up to Alex to tease him about Kimberly, trying her best to make him insecure.
I think Bateman does a great job with what little she has to work with in this episode, and the natural banter between Mallory and Alex that would continue throughout the series gets off to a solid start here. Bateman and Fox make the biggest impact in this rather mediocre pilot.
Jennifer's pissed off at Alex that she agreed to wear whatever the hell this is for a dollar and even offers to return the money. Alex, of course, is meticulously trying to make everything and everyone in the house "perfect" for his date, but this doesn't seem like a step in the right direction.
Doorbell! Alex freaks out and quickly poses his family before he opens the door, which is pretty funny.
It's dinnertime!
I need to point out the elephant that has clobbered into the literal room. Where exactly are we in the house? The dining room, you say. And to that I say, where is the dining room in relation to the other rooms? And to that you will say nothing, because like the Overlook Hotel in The Shining, there are a few peculiarities about the layout of the Keaton household that cannot be reconciled. One is the location of the driveway (which we'll cover in a different episode), but the dining room is another.
The dining room makes very rare appearances. Offhand, I can recall only one other dining room scene, a rather memorable one when Nick makes his debut in Season 4. But I wouldn't be surprised if a couple others are found during my rewatch.
The dining room appears to be somewhere between the living room and the kitchen. But...we've already seen both of those rooms in full and there's no indication of an adjacent dining room. Looking at the background gives no clues. This room does not seem to exist in the house. I'll go into this more in another episode when we talk about the kitchen. But for now, just take note of this oddity, as it will soon vanish back into the ether.
What follows is a mostly unfunny "awkward dinner scene." Elise asks Kimberly what she's studying in school, and she answers "Uh...ya know?" We get facial reactions from the family like who is this bimbo, and Alex tries to come to her defense. A much better version of this scene will occur in the aforementioned Season 4 dinner sequence with Nick, where Steven does the questioning about school and Nick's responses are actually funny.
Anyway, we're not even halfway through the episode yet, and this blog is taking forever. I know it's the first real post and I've been trying to add some overall context, but I need to keep this baby moving.
Kimberly has sailed to the south of France last summer but hated it because she couldn't find a McDonald's. Jennifer recounts how their summer vacation was to Cleveland in a bus. Kimberly's all like "A bus?" I'm all like "Cleveland?"
Kimberly asks Steven what he does, and he tells her he manages the local public TV station, so that's how we first learn of his job. She says it's a "cute" job and that she's watched the channel once or twice but really misses the commercials, which makes Steven silently start to plot her murder.
Elise again asks what Kimberly is studying, and Mal snidely retorts with "Ya know?" Honestly, the Season 4 writers will take the template of this sequence and improve on it in every way. The studio audience seems to eat it up, though. There is a funny line where Kimberly earnestly says she wants to dedicate her life to helping others by being a cheerleader. But does she mean professionally? Cheering for the Browns seems below her upper crust station in society.
The tea kettle goes off in the kitchen, and Kimberly abruptly leaves to give Elise some unsolicited help with such a major task.
And she's exiting to our LEFT into the kitchen! I'm sorry I'm back to it again, but I need to save this for future evidence when I next discuss the impossible placement of the dining room.
It's the next scene (next day?) and Elise gets off the phone with the Emmersons, who are the feuding couple she's designing the house for. She tells Steven they have eight kids, which is funny I guess? Anyway, that's the end of that "plot," folks!
Alex bounds down the stairs asking his parents the rules for polo because Kimberly's picking him up in a few minutes to go to some championship polo "cup." Steven says polo sucks, so Alex goes back upstairs.
Elise confides in Steven that she just found a copy of the Wall Street Journal under Alex's bed, but they should have known he was reading that scandalous rag for years now.
Elise decides to make a move. Alex is going to polo for the whole day, Mal is leaving too, and she wants to get it on. Steven notes that Jennifer's still in the house, but Elise is in heat so she tells him to give Jennifer the Mastercard and let her run wild. Yikes, these two.
They get all worked up with the talk of underage shopping sprees and start to "paw" at each other, which of course leads to Mallory interrupting. She is disgusted and asks if they have any self control, and the answer to that is no.
Alex returns and says he'll be out for the whole day because there will be a party after the polo game (which Mal corrects as "match"- boy, her character will change drastically soon). Somehow, Elise already knew this information when she was planning her all-day sex-a-thon, but she doesn't know where the party will be. Alex says it'll be at the Carlton Country Club.
Steven acts like the Carlton Country Club is a front for the KKK, and tells Alex it's a "restricted club." Alex doesn't get it, so Elise has to explain it. But honestly, neither of them does a good job. Elise says the club doesn't have any minority members, but she doesn't say whether minorities are prevented from joining. Whatever. It's some snooty place, and that's all Alex cares about. Kimberly's family honks for him, and he's out the front door.
I guess the all-day sex romp did not go as planned because next we see Steven making dirty phone calls in the dark. Nah, he's just calling the CCC to check on Alex. Elise walks in on him, and Steven hangs up and plays it off like he was calling a Swedish car repair shop. He soon comes clean and says he was calling the CCC because he wants Alex to come home immediately.
Elise doesn't like Alex there either but tells Steven that Alex sees things differently than they do, which is the understatement of the decade. Steven tells her to eff off and that he's going into enemy territory to reclaim his son.
So now we're at the racist romp and see that racists dance like they're in middle school.
Kimberly's father quizzes Alex on sailing because Alex has been feigning an interest in sailing to get into his daughter's pants. Alex fumbles a bit, but he gets out of the scrutiny when Steven makes a sudden appearance.
It's unknown how many security guards Steven had to bob and weave through to make it into this restricted club, but he looks alright. Kimberly's mother forgets about the restrictions and invites Steven to join them. (Watch out lady- he's a hippie! We've got the photographic proof.) Steven declines, but Kimberly's father also forgets the restrictions and cheerfully asks the waiter to bring Steven a chair.
But Steven is MAD. Or so he claims when he pulls Alex aside and demands that he come home with him. There's a funny bit where he's berating the club while unconsciously taking their drinks and appetizers. He tells Alex the CCC is elitist, exclusionary, and makes tasty rumaki.
He's interrupted when the racists excitedly decide to do the "bunny hop," and Alex hops right onto Kimberly. It's less risqué than what Steven and Elise have been doing this episode.
Steven returns all humbled and claims to Elise that he made a big mistake. His daughters join him. And then Alex comes downstairs. I guess Steven was successful in hopping Alex off the bunny after all. The family sans Steven and Alex excuse themselves.
Steven tells Alex he's sorry and will write notes to apology to everyone in the club. What exactly did he do that was so terrible? Sneak in? Kimberly and her family seemed happy to see him. Maybe he ate too many rumakis.
Steven mentions how his father was distant and unemotional, and he overreacts to compensate. Steven's strained relationship with his father (and his brother) is something this show will occasionally explore, so it's nice to see it mentioned in the pilot.
Alex is all Kimberly was in a strapless evening gown, so I don't care about the Bill of Rights, which is a nonsensical retort. Also, bullshit. We saw Kimberly's evening gown, and it had straps. Maybe these scenes were filmed out of order.
Steven is about to rebuff him but then recalls working for Richard Nixon for a couple of weeks in 1960 to get close to a pretty fascist he had the hots for. Yeah, I call bullshit that Steven worked for Nixon's campaign over JFK's for any reason.
They come to an agreement to respect the other's different opinion, which is how many episodes will end, but it's a good message. One thing I admire about Family Ties is the dynamic between the parents and the kids. It's rarely the parents lecturing the kids at the end but rather coming to a mutual understanding, which I think is more interesting and heartfelt.
This sequence gives us a taste of things to come, which is likely a large reason why this pilot got picked up. Because as an episode, it's quite mediocre. Pilots of even great sitcoms are, however. Look at Seinfeld or The Office. Yeah, the plot of this pilot sucked and wasn't all that funny, but we did get some good character interactions among Alex, Mallory, and Steven. Jennifer came off like a psycho, and Elise was barely involved, being caught up with her architectural designs of the house for the homicidal couple. I'm not sure that can even be called a B plot, as nothing happened with it.
What I'm getting at is that despite the pilot being lackluster, you can see the potential for greatness, including in the skeleton plot itself, as several aspects of it would be recycled and better produced in later episodes.
I'll be ranking the episodes using letter grades, and I'm a harsh grader.
My grade: C
Firsts: Chrissy reference; the dining room
**Days after writing this review, someone astutely pointed out something I missed in the below opening credits photo. As the credits continue, the photo zooms out and we see that it was taken at Yellowstone Park on August 1976.
So, not a commune, because I don't think the federal government was in the business of renting out national park space to a cooperative of bohemians in the 1970s.
The same person then told me her belief that the flaxen-haired kid is supposed to be Jennifer. By "person," I mean my wife. So, I must tread carefully in explaining why this is WRONG. Here's my evidence why I do not believe this to be Jennifer:
(1) The kid looks like a boy. ... (OK, I didn't start with my strongest argument.)
(2) The ages of the Keaton kids at the start of the series in September 1982 are 17 (Alex), 15 (Mallory), and (9) Jennifer. So, when the photo was taken in August 1976, Alex would have been 11, Mallory 9, and Jennifer 3. Blondie, who we can see best, looks closer in age to the other two kids, who we know have to be 11 and 9.
(3) And finally...you know what? Oh God...I think she's right. I think this is *supposed* to be Jennifer. The blond kid has bad hair and is scowling—telltale Jennifer signs. And this photo follows chronological photos showing Alex and Mallory; Jennifer would be third in line.
I still think the showrunners screwed the pooch because the "Alex" and "Mallory" here look way younger than they should be. But the showrunners' intent can differ from what they actually depicted. And I think their intent was that this third kid is "Jennifer." They just screwed up the depiction.
The search party for Blondie can be called off.
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